[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]We make promises for different reasons and motives, which can be more or less good. Some promises we keep and others not. Why do we make pledges and why do we keep or not keep them?
What is it with keeping promises?
I think that, depending on who asks for a favour, what they request and in which circumstances we are, there are several options:
- We keep the promise as expected and within a useful deadline for person we help.
- We honour a pledge but have taken so long that it does not help the other person anymore or he/she has managed otherwise.
- We do not stick to our promise because we forget about it.
- We do not keep the promise and remember but hope the other does not. We might even have a bad conscience for making a promise we are not honouring.
- We keep the promise in a reasonable deadline but the other person has got by in a different way without letting us know. Understandably this case can upset us and lead us to think twice about helping that person next time.
Sometimes we keep our #promises and others not. Sometimes this is #helpful and others not. Why is it? #KeptPromises Click To Tweet
Why do we make promises?
We are predisposed to wanting to help and feel useful. Now you might think that this is not the case because you have received a “no” as an answer several times. However, consider if they really did not want to help you or for some reason could not do so at that point. What is more, for all who cannot or do not want to help, at the other end of the scale are those who help because they do not know how to say no; and in the middle of the scale are those who help at will.
So, which are the reasons for helping and making promises?
The first motive is, of course, because we want to help. This can be just for the sake of it, because we feel like it. Perhaps we want to ingratiate ourselves with the person. Also, we might expect a favour in turn.
The second motive can be that we do not know how to say no. We make the promise because we do not dare to say that we do not feel like, that it seems too much to ask of us or even that we believe it could pose an ethical or other problem. But consider that it is better to be assertive than later having a bad conscience due to not having defended your position or not keeping the promise.
A reason for making a #promise is wanting to #help but another can be not knowing how to say no. #KeptPromises #Assertiveness Click To Tweet
Why do we break promises?
We could claim lack of time in this fast-paced world. But have you heard the phrase “Lack of time does not exist, it is lack interest”? Although this may sound drastic, let us talk straight. Our energy is limited and the day has 24 hours. When we renege on a promise, deep down it is because we have decided, more or less consciously, to dedicate our limited time and energy to something we care more about.
Another reason, as I mentioned earlier, can be that the favour we are asked poses a problem. An example that occurs to me is that somebody asks you to deliver their CV at your company or to recommend them. It might be a beloved family member or friend but you differ with his/her working style. Therefore, you would not feel at ease recommending them at your company. Hence, before breaking your promise because it contradicts your values or beliefs for example, think carefully before making it.
Have you heard the phrase “Lack of time does not exist, it is lack of interest”? Before making a #promise, consider if you will be able to keep it. #KeptPromises #LackofTime Click To Tweet
What happens when we break promises?
If we will not be able to stick to a promise for whatever reason, it is better not to make it. That way we avoid the bad conscience of breaking it. Bad conscience, though we try to ignore it, is a mental burden. We will remember over and over again until we solve the problem.
It is true that not accepting a request for help might also cause bad conscience. If this is the case, ask yourself if it could have to do with your self-esteem and the fear of being disliked. If the other person does not respect your decision this might not say a lot for the quality of your relationship.
In addition to the possible guilty conscience, breaking promises can adversely affect the trust we inspire in other people. Trust is built slowly but can be destroyed very quickly, harming our personal and professional image.
Not keeping our #promises can cause #badconscience and adversely affect our personal and professional #image. #UnkeptPromises #Trust Click To Tweet
Are you sure you want to make this promise?
For all said so far, before launching yourself into promising something, pose some questions.
What is my reason for making the promise?
Do I want to be liked by the person? Do I not know how to say no? Or do I really want to help? Sometimes we get excited in a conversation and offer our help without thinking, without considering what the favour implies.
Will I take time to keep the promise?
Taking into account my responsibilities and priorities, does the person and what they ask of me matter enough to me to stick to the promise? Would I like to help but the favour requires dedicating more time than I have?
Can the promise be a problem for me?
As I mentioned before, occasionally a request for help can pose an ethical or professional problem. Before making the promise, consider whether the issue is aligned with your values and circumstances.
Key questions before making a #promise: What is my #motive? Will I take time to keep it? Can it be a #problem? #KeptPromises #Integrity Click To Tweet
What to do when you made a promise you cannot keep
At the beginning I mentioned that we might hope that the other person forgot about the promise. But taking into account the bad conscience that not keeping it might cause us as well as the possible loss of trust if the other has not forgot, I suggest to act.
If you made a promise but will not be able to keep it for whatever reason, I recommend to tell the other person. The wait, hope and uncertainty of whether you can expect the help is worse than a small disappointment resulting from honesty. Think that the other person could possibly look for another solution if he/she knew that you will not be able to help.
If you will not be able to keep a #promise, let the other person know. Rather the short disappointment of #honesty than #uncertainty and wait. #UnkeptPromises Click To Tweet
So, what is your story with promises?
Do you tend to making promises without knowing if you will keep them; be it to ingratiate yourself, because you do not know how to say now or due to the excitement of the moment?
Before making a promise, do you consider if you really want and can help?
Are there unkept promises on your conscience?
Have you lost trust in a person because he/she has broken one or more promises?
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14 Responses
Covenant is another word for promise. Once again people morals have slacken. A promise and a handshake use to be a binding contract. Unfortunately not anymore
I agree that it’s better to say no in the first place than to make a promise that will be difficult to keep. It may be difficult to refuse someone a favour, but it is worse to promise and then not follow through.
I agree that it is not easy to refuse a favour but it is worse not to keep a promise.
Wow learned a lot here. I tend to keep my promises but it’s interesting to read that we tend to break promises due to lack of interest. makes sense. Great tips here!
Personally I will only make a promise if I know 100% I can keep it, there is nothing worse than letting someone down.. maybe being the one let down. I just would never forgive myself.
Good for you to think it through before making a promise.
I love this post. I was trying to explain to our kids why this is so important and why it is a mark on our character if we do not. I think I am going to just read your post:) Thanks
Thank you Andrea. I am glad the post helps you explaining the importance of keeping promises to your kids.
This is such an interesting post, its been a while since I sat down to think about promises and why we need to keep it. Not really thought about it since I was in school.
This is actually such an interesting question to think about. I think for me it depends on the kind of promise and who I am making it to. When it is friends and people close to me, I will definitely keep my promises and sometimes to the point of embarrassment. Overall, I think its important to follow through.
Yeah sometimes things happen that promises are not delivered on time. However, there are some (valid) reasons why and it should be rescheduled. This happens both personal and in business. If you can’t deliver then state the reason and make it up next time. In business, I always make sure to give extra mile.
That is how to build good relationships that lasts.
Thank you for your comment, Blair. I agree that keeping your promises and rescheduling the deadline if necessary is essential for good relationships.
Not going to lie, it is sometimes hard to say no to someone. Especially if it is a close friend or family member that you don’t want to disappoint.
That is true, Lynnette. However, it is a greater disappointment not being able to keep your promise.