Are you content with a job well done? Or are you not satisfied if it is not perfect? Do you know how to enjoy a meal with your friends? Or do you spend your time criticising the food? Do you launch into new projects? Or are you waiting for the perfect moment to start?
There are many possible indicators that you are too much of a perfectionist. Let us see in the following which are the signs that you are a perfectionist.
What is perfectionism
Perfectionism is often seen as a positive trait for success. It means believing that it is possible to achieve perfection and feeling the need to be or appear to be perfect. It is also the belief that the affection and approval of others depends on being and performing perfectly. However, perfection is impossible to achieve.
Therefore, aspiring to it causes stress, fear of failure, procrastination and being overly critical. It can even harm mental health by causing anxiety, depression or other conditions.
Perfectionism vs. excellence
The perfectionist performs and reviews each task until it meets their standards of perfection. This may mean checking an email multiple times before sending it. Maybe it is spending hours reviewing a presentation over and over again correcting small details in the design.
Therefore, the perfectionist takes longer to do a job than other people. Faced with more complex tasks, you can get stuck. In addition, new projects that are unfamiliar can greatly stress the perfectionist.
Another thing is to look for good results, new and better ways to carry out tasks or projects. Seeking excellence means trying to become the best professional possible, learning, training and seeking to be productive. It means trying to do efficient, effective and quality work. It means remembering that time is limited and it is better to seek to perform the work from a time and cost-effectiveness prism. As well, knowing how to prioritise is essential.
Signs that you are a perfectionist
At the beginning I already gave you an example. But let us take a closer look at the signs of perfectionism and the effect it has on your work and personal life.
1. All or nothing
The perfectionist tends to think in black or white, all or nothing. Since they accept nothing less than perfection, “nearly perfect” is not enough and they regard it as a failure.
The perfectionist gets upset for small mistakes even if the result has been good. For example, instead of being satisfied that a presentation has been well received, they will brood over the typographic error that they have overseen on a slide.
2. Too high standards
Perfectionists put themselves, and possibly others as well, under a lot of pressure with their expectations and standards. That is why they stress out trying to always meet their standards. It also stresses them when others do not fulfill what they believe should be the norm. For example, it annoys them when others do not seem to care about details and are not neat enough.
The goals and expectations of the perfectionist are so high that they are impossible to achieve. When the inevitable happens that they are not met, the discouragement and frustration are great.
3. The perfectionist is overly critical
The standards of perfection lead the perfectionist to be very critical of everything and everyone. Instead of seeing the good, they will always find the error. Instead of being proud of their accomplishments, they believe that they could have done better. When perfectionists fail at something, they find a thousand reasons why it has not turned out well; instead of concentrating on what has worked out and what they can learn from the situation.
If others make a mistake or fail, the perfectionist tends to show little support and empathy. They fail to see the virtues or provide positive comments. Typical comments could be: “I already knew that this could not go well.” “How could he have made that silly mistake!” “How could she have overseen that fault if it is obvious.” “It was to be expected with how sloppy he is.”
If you have the feeling that people are withdrawing from you, ask yourself if your criticism has turned you into a toxic person that others avoid.
4. Confuses perfection and quality
Appreciating quality and striving for excellence means knowing how to appreciate effort and performance. It means feeling satisfied with having been productive, having done a good job and with the result obtained.
For the perfectionist, sadly, that is not enough. They always detect a fault. I gave you an example in point 1. But there are many more examples. The perfectionist is annoyed by that hair out of place or that fluff on the shirt. They become obsessed with the pound over. Perfectionists get irritated because the kid got dirty when having fun. They are bothered by a tiny crumb on the floor or that misplaced fork in the cutlery drawer, etc.
5. The perfectionist only focusses on the results
The perfectionists always have their sights set on the perfect result that they want to achieve. They do not know how to enjoy the journey and progress. Rather, they obsess with reaching the goal the way they set it.
6. Discouraged when not achieving goals
When the perfectionists fails to achieve their (unattainable) goals, they become very discouraged. They do not consider the objectives a signpost to progress towards what they want. Either it is achieved as planned or it is worth nothing.
That may lead them to not even wanting to set more goals.
7. The perfectionist is driven by fear
The need to seek perfection often arises from the fear of not being enough. Oftentimes, the perfectionist has acquired the belief that they will only be valued and loved if they are perfect and do everything perfectly.
That is why their actions are marked and driven by fear of not achieving their goals, of not achieving a perfect result, of making a fool of themselves, and fear of failure.
Sadly, it is precisely these fears that will often prevent you from achieving good results.
8. Procrastination
Constantly worrying about perfection sadly hurts performance. Instead of working better, as might be expected, the perfectionist gets stuck and paralysed. The fear of failure, the concern to deliver something less than perfect, leads you to do things much more slowly than others. That is assuming you even start things and do not directly postpone them over and over again.
Waiting for the perfect moment, to have something, to know something, for the circumstances to be conducive are usually typical excuses. Making excuses and procrastinating are the shields to protect the perfectionist from fear of failure. But sadly, that turns into a vicious cycle as procrastination leads to a greater sense of failure.
9. The perfectionist shies away from novelty
For everything to be perfect, the perfectionist wants to control everything. That is why they find it difficult to face new and uncertain situations. Learning something new means making mistakes in the beginning or at least not doing it too expertly.
Since perfectionists believe that they are not ready, they will deny themselves many opportunities to discover new hobbies, interests, projects etc.
10. Low self-esteem and self-confidence
The unattainable standards imposed by the perfectionist damage their self-esteem. Being very critical and focusing on failures, they have a hard time appreciating their own worth and strengths as well as having confidence in themselves. Despite being very critical of themselves and others, they take constructive criticism from others very badly. So they tend to get defensive.
The good news
After reading this post, you may have realised that you are too much of a perfectionist. You may have noticed that much of your stress and discomfort stems from your perfectionist standards and expectations.
But do not feel discouraged. Recognising that you are a perfectionist is the first step. And luckily, perfectionism is not an incurable disease. In another post we will see how to overcome perfectionism.
Are you a perfectionist?
Have you realised that you are a perfectionist? Which are the signs in your case? How does perfectionism affect your work, your personal life, and your relationships with other people?
One Response
This is an insightful post. It is also very true for extremely Type A personalities. Thank you for sharing.